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Archive Number 3556 | ||
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Date: Wed, 14 Jan 2004 00:52:54 -0500
MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Thank you, all of you. I'm so appreciative to be in touch with other story practitioners. I want to know what story really is. It's the kind of thing people say is "magic" and can't be explained. But they used to say that about lots of things. I don't think knowing how flowers operate takes the beauty or magic out of them. Hopefully the same will hold true for story. David -----Original Message----- From: Healingstory Discussion List [mailto:HEALINGSTORY@MAELSTROM.STJOHNS.EDU] On Behalf Of Michelle Howard Sent: Tuesday, January 13, 2004 8:55 PM To: HEALINGSTORY@MAELSTROM.STJOHNS.EDU Subject: Re: Healing Story Question David, I think your question is a fascinating one, and I've been mulling it over. I've wondered the same thing -- often. Your question, if I remember correctly, is: Why is it that some people find that untold, secret stories are a source of strength, while others find that untold, secret stories are a source of pain? My theory is that it has something to do with the meaning the individual assigns to the stories. I don't think it has much to do with whether the story is told or untold. I think it has to do with the stories we tell ourselves *about* the stories we tell ourselves. Some people clean up after the Christmas guests leave while telling themselves, "What a mess! I'm glad this happens only once a year!" while others tell themselves, "What fun we have when we all get together in a huge, overflowing, riotous party!" Each person has the same experience but assigns different meaning. You ask how "healing" occurs. I'll use the example you offered about a woman who was raped and now wants to confess it to her husband. She is in pain because she has this secret story. What causes the pain? Does she think she is being deceptive? Does she need reassurance that her husband's love can withstand this revelation? Does she believe she duped her husband into marrying her by withholding information that could have prevented him from proposing? Does she still feel violated and need compassion? Any of these meanings can be assigned to her story, and the result is pain. But what if she assigns new meanings? For instance: She possesses courage, determination and wisdom that have helped her recover from deep trauma. She is a tough survivor who hasn't been robbed of her ability to love tenderly. She is more resilient than anyone could possibly guess. Anyone else's opinion of her is unimportant compared to her own self-knowledge. By telling new stories about her story, this woman can move from a painful interpretation of her secret to a life-affirming interpretation of her secret. I would call that process "healing." You also ask, "Why do people keep stories inside?" Maybe the stories are too painful, too precious, or too confusing to share. Maybe people don't see a purpose to share. Maybe they are too shy or unmotivated. Maybe they fear how others might react. "What is this healing? Is it a physical change?" Healing is a movement from brokenness to wholeness. It can certainly be physical, but it doesn't have to be. I don't think the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of a human being are separate things. Change one, and you change them all. Michelle Howard, Portland OR ------------------------------- To Unsubscribe from Healingstory send the message: unsubscribe healingstory to: listserv@maelstrom.stjohns.edu ------------------------------- ------------------------------- To Unsubscribe from Healingstory send the message: unsubscribe healingstory to: listserv@maelstrom.stjohns.edu ------------------------------- | ||