| Previous Message | Return to Archive 2002 | Next Message |
Archive Number 2514 | ||
|
Date: Mon, 20 Jan 2003 17:50:38 -0500
All, Forgiveness is a great food item for thought. One of the things I have tried to remember about forgiveness is something I learned in a certain 12 step program I belong to: forgiveness doesn't mean that the harm that occurred did not happen or that it is suddenly okay. It means that the person doing the forgiving chooses not to continue to devote negative energy toward obsessing about it. Basically, it gives us permission to move forward from our pain. I read a very moving article on this topic last year that was written by Marianne Pearl. She wrote it shortly after her husband, Daniel Pearl, was executed by terrorists. I cannot find the article now. I believe it was published in the New York Times. If I can find in on the Internet, I will post the url. It was a very powerful piece of writing. Best, Tracy ----- Original Message ----- From: "Lorna Czarnota" To: Sent: Monday, January 20, 2003 9:23 AM Subject: [HEALINGSTORY] thought for the week: forgiveness Forgiveness is a tricky topic. Who wants to forgive and continue to be trampled? Nobody I know. And yet, I know many people who forgive and continue to put themselves in the same situation over and over again. Perhaps something else is going on there--something that is not really forgiveness at all. Maybe real forgiveness requires not only the injured party's involvement but some reciprocation from the other side. And forgiveness and martyrdom are only a fragmented step away from each other. At the teen shelter last week, we talked a little about forgiveness after I told a story from "The Magic Orange Tree." The story is titled "One my Darling Come to Mama." It's a story about four daughters. The mother only loved three and would not let Philamandre close to her. In the end when this girl becomes queen she ends up taking her mother in. Anyway, I often think about the kids I work with and how many people have abused them. I think about their sense of abandonment (which was the main issue we were dealing with last week) and how many times I hear of girls who get so lost in relationships with young men that they will take whatever is given to them, even abuse, and go back for more. (I was one of those teenagers.) So, I ask "Why do we forgive?" The answer that came back from the kids, "Because it makes them feel good inside when they forgive someone." I add with a question. "And even though someone doesn't deserve it, perhaps they need it?" I guess there are lots of reasons to forgive. And forgiveness does not mean acceptance of the abusive behavior. It is a balancing act. This quote was on my desk. "Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass." Confucius. Perhaps forgiveness does help us to move on, over that bridge. | ||