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Archive Number 2510 | ||
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Date: Mon, 20 Jan 2003 09:23:05 EST
Forgiveness is a tricky topic. Who wants to forgive and continue to be trampled? Nobody I know. And yet, I know many people who forgive and continue to put themselves in the same situation over and over again. Perhaps something else is going on there--something that is not really forgiveness at all. Maybe real forgiveness requires not only the injured party's involvement but some reciprocation from the other side. And forgiveness and martyrdom are only a fragmented step away from each other. At the teen shelter last week, we talked a little about forgiveness after I told a story from "The Magic Orange Tree." The story is titled "One my Darling Come to Mama." It's a story about four daughters. The mother only loved three and would not let Philamandre close to her. In the end when this girl becomes queen she ends up taking her mother in. Anyway, I often think about the kids I work with and how many people have abused them. I think about their sense of abandonment (which was the main issue we were dealing with last week) and how many times I hear of girls who get so lost in relationships with young men that they will take whatever is given to them, even abuse, and go back for more. (I was one of those teenagers.) So, I ask "Why do we forgive?" The answer that came back from the kids, "Because it makes them feel good inside when they forgive someone." I add with a question. "And even though someone doesn't deserve it, perhaps they need it?" I guess there are lots of reasons to forgive. And forgiveness does not mean acceptance of the abusive behavior. It is a balancing act. This quote was on my desk. "Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass." Confucius. Perhaps forgiveness does help us to move on, over that bridge. | ||